Shocked to silence…

This news has sent me into a stomach dropping shock. I know this girl. I know her kid. I’ve hugged her. I’ve laughed with her. I used to work with her at EB and she was the sweetest little spitfire of a person. I can’t believe I actually know someone that this horrific thing happened to. This is just unbelievable…

I just sneezed 12 times in a row and think my brain is leaking out of my nose…

God damn it I am so tried of getting sick!!! I have had more colds in the last year than I think I’ve had in my lifetime. I admit that I deserve this one. Although the pure ache in my body and the bruises left over from my horrific dance routine on the rooftop Friday night that resulted with me being dropped several times should be enough punishment. I actually have bruises on my arm that are the perfect shape of fingers that must have tried to grab me before I hit the ground. Then I punished myself even further by riding my bike to my softball game while severely dehydrated and then proceeded to “play” softball. After the game I had exactly one hour before I had to head out to a wedding. Sunday was supposed to be about homework but I ended up taking a 3 hour nap on the sofa instead. Damn it- how did I do this shit when I was in college!?! When did I get old? And seriously I need a back rub! Where’s my sexy boy with the strong hands to take care of me? This sucks.

The Anniversary

I was there. I was in New York 5 years ago. I can’t claim that I was as affected as those whom were in lower Manhattan that day but to say that I wasn’t profoundly affected by the events that occurred would be a grave falsity. I had moved to NY just 5 days earlier. A stranger to that world soon to be made to feel disconnected as residents clung to each other for support as the events of the day unfolded on our TV sets. I remember driving west on 495 that day seeing what appeared to be fog off in the distance and thinking nothing of it. I remember turning the key to my office and hearing the phone ringing inside. I remember the panic and relief in the voice on the other end of the phone because I was supposed to be there. I was supposed to be turning the key to my office one block from Ground Zero. One block. But I wasn’t there. I sat in the empty store with the Training Manager listening to a staticky radio as the reporters tried to piece together what happened during this horrible accident and then we heard the cry and then silence and then the shaky voice state that another plane had hit Tower II. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard absolute silence before but it is the most dreadful and disturbing sound you could ever hear. We slowly packed our things and walked through the corridors of the 3rd largest mall in America in a tunnel of frightening silence. When I got to my new home I sat captivated by the events unfolding on the television. The towers crumbling over and over again. That night, along with most Long Islanders, we drove our car right onto the sand of a beach that faced the city. We sat on the hood of the car and watched the city burn. I have never felt so separate from people before. People around me wailing out to their loved ones who were in the city that day my thoughts turned to my city. Were we at war? Did they do the same thing to Chicago? Where my friends and family okay? A stranger to this town only to be made to feel stranger as the day went on...

In the days that followed New Yorkers forged ahead to get their lives back together. Working for a time management company that dealt with many corporations I saw many people open wallets filled with that gray dust. That horrible gray dust that never went away. I hugged more people than I ever had in the weeks that followed the attacks. Everything was different. Everyone was different. I don’t know how to explain it. It was all so quiet and calm and slow and everyone said “thank you” and “excuse me”. It was surreal…

That New Years I spent at a bar in Times Square is my single favorite New Years celebration. I have never in my life felt such an overwhelming out pouring of love and togetherness than I did that night. The resilience that these people had is extraordinary…

So today I remember the survivors of the 9/11 attacks. You are the bravest, strongest, most wonderfully beautiful people I ever had the pleasure of existing alongside.

Happy Birthday Fuzzy Love!!!

Today is my Isabella and Toby’s birthday. They are 4 years old. I can’t believe it. About 3 ½ years ago I walked into an animal shelter on Long Island on my birthday in search of two kitties who were in need of some unconditional love and who would give the same. That day as I painfully walked the aisles of the shelter with sad eyes pointed at me two little white paws reached across the aisle and touched my arm. As I turned two scrawny little kitties meowed at me with all their might and I was hooked. Although we can’t be entirely sure when they were actually born but based on their size and weight and things the vet at the shelter guesstimated that they were born around Labor Day. So today I celebrate my two fuzzy babies birthday. Happy birthday my fuzzy loves!

Results from the great escape...

I feel fabulous. I’m in the middle of a three-day weekend sipping on my second cup of coffee with nothing but good things ahead of me. What a difference a couple blog posts can make, right!?!

First of all, my road trip to MN was amazingly therapeutic. After the initial 2 hours it took me through drudging traffic to get out of IL I hit a mini tornado that cleared most traffic off to the side of the road. But “The Walrus” and me forged ahead through minimal visibility and came out the other side with nothing but tense nerves and white knuckles. I arrived in Red Wing around 11:30pm and Erica had the light on for me on her front porch of her cute brand new house! I can’t even describe what it’s like being with Erica. We’ve known each other for a little over a year now but I feel like I’ve known her my entire life. I feel so comfortable and familiar with her and her husband Alex and their furry children. It’s that level of comfort that you feel with someone who lives next door and you see all the time. You know where they keep their silverware and extra toilet paper. Know what I mean? We stayed up to some god-awful hour of the morning chatting as girls do and were up super early sucking down coffee before she had to head off to work the next morning. My dad came and picked me up and we went to this area called the Grand Rounds Scenic Byway in Minneapolis, which is basically a chain of lakes. It was really pretty and it was nice to taste some nature and catch-up with my dad in a place he spends his time. Erica then joined us and we headed to Minnehaha Falls, which you can see pictures of on my Flickr page. It was all really beautiful and relaxing. My 6 hour ride home was that time I needed to get my head straight. Driving down 61 South is absolutely beautiful. Not beautiful like crystal blue waters beautiful but just nature doing its thing just driving miles from the city beautiful. I did a lot of thinking on my drive home and I figured a number of things out about myself and decisions I need to make. My heads back on straight and so I can say all in all the great escape was a successful one.

One of the conclusions I came to was I needed to do something about my $15,000+ debt if I wanted to edge towards living a less stressed kind of life. Yes, I said $15,000 PLUS debt. Ugh. Now you might get why I have been so stressed lately. I applied for a loan that was a cash loan not what they call a debt consolidation loan because I wanted to choose what I used the money for (mainly pay off my car note which debt consolidators don’t allow) and I wanted to still have access to a credit card in case of an emergency. Through a reality punching me in the face lecture from the loan officer while we waited to see if I was approved she had me convinced that I had screwed myself so much that I wasn’t going to qualify for the loan. I could hear the surprise in her voice when she told me I had been accepted and that reality that by some grace of good karma I had gotten something that by all rights I should not have forced me to take this all the more seriously. So in a matter of a couple of days I will have 4 credit cards and my car note paid off. Instead of the $800+ I was paying per month to pay off merely the interest on my credit cards I will be dishing out $505 for everything leaving me with money to by groceries and the freedom to grab a beer after work with some coworkers. The stress that this has lifted off my shoulders is immeasurable. I feel like I can breath for the first time in a long time. I feel like I can actually enjoy my life for the first time in a long time. And I am determined to remain disciplined and not ever get myself into that kind of financial trouble again.

I know that sometimes I can let stress take over my life. It happens to the best of us. Thank you to all of you who listened to me bitch and stood me up on my feet again. I need people like you in my life to remind me that there is a big beautiful world out there that needs to be explored.